It is crazy to think that it has been three months since the initial surgery…and it’s now less than three weeks before my final surgery: 2 weeks and 2 days to be exact. Generally, things have been really good and all things considered I can’t complain. I returned to work on November 30. That was one of the harder adjustments for me as I still didn’t have my normal energy back, was having occasional pain, and was under restrictions. I’m not a person to say “this is too much” when it comes to work; I enjoy a good challenge and take pride in pushing myself beyond my comfort zone. Acknowledging and embracing that it would take time to bounce back to my normal levels of physical fitness, mental endurance, and everyday energy has proven hugely important. This mentality, I think, saved me from large amounts of added frustration.  (Of course, easier said than done. Despite my best efforts, I definitely let my frustrations with the recovery process take control at times. Thank you close friends and family for dealing with my occasional tearful breakdowns.)

I finally went for my first run the week before Christmas when I was back in St. Louis. I’ve never been so happy running the rocky, hilly paths at a local park (even though I had to walk up most of the hills).  Since then, I’ve been able to run, walk, and elipticize fairly regularly with limited pain, although it is a weird feeling at first. The first several times back out were always followed by discomfort and soreness in my chest (andddd my legs and generally entire body having been out of the game for a few months).

Since my first fill appointment on November 10, I’ve been back in six more times (with the fifth being my final “over-fill” and the sixth I was not planning on having). The appointment itself is super quick and painless, as I mentioned earlier. By the third appointment I started to feel tightness almost immediately after the injections. Slowly thereafter, the tightness, pain, and discomfort would increase; even with Benadryl and Tylenol I barely would sleep the night after. I’m still only able to sleep on my back and kind-of of my left side. I worked from home the day following each appointment and laid low for a few days until it all subsided. The duration of pain post-fill seemed to get a bit longer after each subsequent visit. Again, everyone has a different experience.

I have had one issue during the recovery. Since day one, one of the expanders has stuck out of the side of my chest. For lack of a better way to describe it, it literally looks like the edge of a child-size football is sticking out of my side. The doctor described this as being a result of the expander not being “fully expanded” yet. When they insert these during the initial surgery, they roll them up and then with each fill appointment the expander unfurls a bit more. Earlier on, I had bruising and redness on about a 2-inch diameter area of skin. With each appointment, the edge got a bit less “pointed” and the bruised area diminished but the redness got worse and was focused on a smaller area of skin. Upside: I didn’t feel any pain here due to the permanent loss of feeling that comes with getting a double mastectomy. Downside, I assumed that no pain = no issue.

There are a few considerations that accompany this. First, from a purely superficial perspective, I was/am pretty self conscious about how it looks. I have not been without a scarf draped around my neck and over my chest or instead wearing a loose sweater or button-up (to the point that a coworker asked if I was at O’Hare last week as he saw a brunette with a scarf stream past and I’m the only female that he knows of that is always with a scarf…for the record, it was me and I do always walk with a purpose). Second, from a medical perspective, there is a chance of necrosis, which is where the cells in the tissue die (I recommend NOT googling this term). Although it is a very small chance, it’s a pinch alarming to hear your doctor tell you this. After my final overfill appointment, the redness got worse to the point that my mom (who consulted my dad and our family’s dermatologist) sternly told me that I needed to call the doctor. After exchanging some pictures via text with his nurse they had me come back in. The doctor did a second over-expansion in hopes that it would force the expander to further unfurl thus smoothing out the edge and reducing the pressure from that one, focused spot. The tradeoff is that I have a consistent level of discomfort due to the added pressure (and my clothing options have dwindled – more challenging from a work perspective).

Luckily, the final surgery is scheduled for Friday, February 12th. It’s supposed to be a pretty easy surgery that will not require an overnight stay in the hospital: a few hours under for the surgery followed by a few hours recovery in the hospital and then my mom (thanks Cheryl!) can take me home to recover fully. I will be out of it for a few days but am targeting to return to work on the following Monday (albeit, working remote that entire week). It it should be all downhill from there! (And just in time for Valentine’s Day! Totally kidding on that…fully aware that my dad/brothers/uncles may read this, but when someone sent me that it made me laugh so I couldn’t resist).